About 6 months ago I was sitting at my job listening to the radio. They said that NKOTBSB would come to Malmö Arena. New Kids on The Block and Backstreet Boys was doing a tour and it took me maybe 10 minutes for me to realize that I want to order a ticket, just for the sake of it.
When I was between 11 and 16 years old, I was batshit crazy about Backstreet Boys. I had 62 (I counted) posters plastered on my walls, I had 2 vhs's (because they were hard to get ..), all albums + some extra compilation CD's, a t-shirt (which I was awesomely proud over), 2 necklaces and I collected all the stickers and all the newspapers and stuff I could find. I terrorized my family and my friends with my obsessive talk about them. I thought they were the coolest, most awesome, best and hottest band in the world, Westlife, Five, Boyzone, and all the others could kiss my white ass! I sat inside for three summers so I wouldn't miss a single video on MTV with them (you know, this was BI; Before Internet).
I ordered one seat because 1. I didn't wanna tell enyone because they would bully me to death. 2. I could not enjoy the experience with someone who wasn't as big of a fan like I was. I really didn't want to tell anyone about this, because I knew that if this came out, my family would laugh at me forever.
Bullied for life.
The concert was the day before my birthday, the 13th and as soon as I went there, the security searched me and I had to turn in my digital camera because it wasn't allowed in. "It said so on the ticket." Sure didn't said that on mine.. *sigh* Alrighty then, I just had to bend over and take it.
I went to my seat and I realised that I had a damn good seat. Smashing! I waited for an hour for the show to start but it started off with band who was soo gaay and sooo laaammeee. They played for 30 minutes and then I waited a fucking half hour more for NKOTBSB to start playing.
Now get this .. when I gave my heart to hard rock, rock n 'roll and metal etc I wondered how on earth you can stand there and scream, go apeshit and cry over something as silly as a boy band. I mean, come on, they're just as much people as we are. Nothing special.
But when it finally started, I realized that in this moment I was accually experiencing a dream I have had since I was a child. After 12 years, TWELVE FUCKING YEARS, I experienced something I could only fantasize about. To experience it did not exist in my head until I accually sat there. And when I tell you this, I am ashamed and feel like a fucking dork, but I cried from happiness (which I have never experienced, not from happiness). Understand that I got to experience it, I was accually there! WOW! Oh, this was not for a silly boy band, it was not about standing here like a crazy fangirl, it was about the thing itself. To experience something I was longing for so long, I have wanted to do this since I was a child!
Never been to a concert that was so awesome and cool. Aerosmith, one thing. Alice Cooper, also a thing. Two silly boy bands - priceless. Awesome light shows, pyrotechnics, fireworks, platforms that were hoisted from the floor and stuff. It was so cool! When the whole place went dark, people's cellphones and cameras sparkled like a night sky.
When it all was over I walked around the stadium to see if their tour buses was somewhere to be seen. I saw a small crowd of fans. The buses on one side of the fence, the fans on the other. And it wasn't a huge crowd, but still. Fans.
I stod there for 20 minutes when AJ, Howie and Nick gt out from the buldings and headed for the buses. They waved to us and I died a little on the inside. GODDAMMITFARTBALLS I have to see them closer! I have to see if what I am experiencing is actually real.
I stood out there for 1 ½ hours, it was freezing cold, I really had to take a piss, but I refused to move. I did not come here to give up my dream, no matter how silly it is. At one point, Brian, his wife, on his son came out and walked between the buses to enter them. They were about 6 meters (19 ft) from me. It was really dark so I couldn't see him properly but I HEARD him.
Towards the end of this evening, when it was only about .. 7-8 people left ( only Backstreet Boys fans ..) AJ (in red shorts) and Nick was messing around with their employees. They ran around with a camera and I died a little more on the inside and I wished they could get closer so I could see properly (goddamn retarded fartlights, I couldn't see a shit because of it), I only saw the red cap on the red shorts. Alright.
On several occasions we (the fans behind the fence) was photographed by those who worked with the band and now someoe was doing it again. Oh oh please he got closer! AJ got closer, came came came closer! Was only 5 meters (16 ft) away!
They did a quick video of us:
(It's me, third person from the right)
Oh I died because he had been so close to me. Oooh, I was completely gone.
BUT NO! He said that NO, he must thank his fans for helping! So he went up to the fence ... where we stood ... and he greeted everyone who put their hands through the fence ... And then he came up to me... and I saw those dark brown eyes, which I have only seen through my TV and on pictures, looking straight at me .. and he shook my hand as I pushed it through the hole in the fence. Ooh .. oh his hand was so warm and soft...
And I died.
There on the spot. I wanted to just lie down there on the ground and just wait until I would die, for now I had everything that existed on this earth, I never needed anything more in my life.
I'm still wondering if what I experienced was actually for real. I've had so many geeky dreams of such occasions, and now it happened. For real. After 12 years. On my birthday.
Oh, I regret afterwards that I didn't say that it was my birthday, but I was so intoxicated by the situation that my brain was not working properly.
I can't care LESS about what others will think about this. They will never understand it. They can not understand this properly unless they have been in the same situation were they, as an early teenager, was SO in love with people who didn't even know they existed. I also don't care what people will say when I say I'm going to go to more concerts, because I have not had enough, I will not stop until I've had all their attention, until they all have looked me in the eyes, waved at me, talked to me, noticed my existence. I am one of hundreds of thousands, but I don't care. I don't care if I have to pay a lot of money to get VIP tickets, if I have to dress from head to toe in neon lights and get up by the stage.
This is no longer a band, it is a REVENGE on my life because I never got it when I was a child.
I managed to get both Penn Jillettes and Adam Savage attention through my pictures and GODDAMN if I don't succeed with this band.